Miscarriage and Dealing with Loss
We learned yesterday that we have lost our baby. Obviously, we are hurting and sad as we go through the pains of separation and loss.
This time, more than any other in our family history, the responses of our friends have been supportive and not cliche.
For the uninitiated, let me explain. Oftentimes, death and loss are treated with cliche responses from well-meaning people. However, they seem to do more harm than good.
- God needed another flower in his garden.
- I know how you feel.
- Your child is an angel now.
- God will give you another one some day.
- I lost a dog once.
- This was God’s way of saying you don’t need another child.
- I told you that you should have used contraception.
- It was for the best.
We have heard them all. Believe me. Just not this time. This time we have what I believe is the proper response, namely, prayers and wishes of love.
- We are so sorry for your loss.
- We love you.
- We are praying for you.
- We are here for you.
No useless advice. No dumb hurtful sayings. Just love and concern. That is the initial response of Job’s friends. They sat with him and shared his grief. We can learn from them. Learn also from them that dumb advice is dumb. When they eventually do speak it is from commonly held superstition.
Listen, people who are grieving do not want advice. You do not know how they feel. What the grieving need is love. Love to a grieving person has the appearance of ears, prayers, and service. The best thing we can do is help and listen while we pray for their healing and peace.
I am grateful for the support and prayers of our friends as we go through this time of intense suffering. We know our friends are here. We know they care. I pray that if/when they need me I can behave in the same way.